Shopping for "The Dress"

Yes, uncharacteristically of me I asked my husband and son to accompany me to the dress shops here in London last Saturday to shop for a "mother-of-the-bride" dress. My trusty long sleeve black velvet wasn't going to be quite right.

Initial shopping began with two bridal shows, one here in London when our daughters were visiting at Christmas. The other in Houston in February. I also looked when my daughters were here in March trying on bridesmaids dresses. None of what I saw were my style. Most were heavily beaded, jacketed, straight no-shape dresses. That, or very revealing, making me wonder if these weren't reserved for a mother looking for a new husband! Nothing that shouted "me!"

Okay, back to my Saturday adventure. The first shop we visited is considered to be a very well stocked, respected dress shop. I was greeted by a woman who was nothing like me (perhaps my first mistake.) She "allowed" us to go upstairs, practically told my husband and son where they could sit, and not move, then she showed me her "all time favorite, versatile" dress. It was a long haltar top, with lots of beading! When I protested that it was a church wedding, and I preferred not to have bare arms or back, she came back with "you can use a wrap." No, I shook my head, I preferred a more modest style. After proclaiming nothing like that existed, she reluctantly moved me to the shorter dress area. Not once did she allow me to simply look.

That was another step on a swiftly declining slope of customer/saleswoman relationship. She then took me over to the suit-straight dress- side on the store. All the time she was warning me that she had a lot of experience, and if I didn't find something in her store (like she even allowed me to look!) I simply wouldn't find it in London. I was also informed that perhaps I just needed to "go buy a pattern and make my own dress."

The first dress she selected made me look like a huge pink square. I refused to even emerge from the dressing room. The pushy saleswoman mocked me from outside, and was insisting that I "must show her how it looked." I declined.

The next dress was only okay. Not stunning. It was a rather gray-brown, dull taupe color. By then I came out, modelled for Tom and Peter, and then the woman assured me that if I had worn something other than cheap cotton underclothes it would look much better.

So she measured me, and came back with a one piece - struggling to fit into it - strapless undergarment. Struggle, I did, and all I could imagine was trying to feel comfortable on a hot sticky August evening in Houston. The dress looked terrible. It would need some major fitting, which she assured me was good because well made men's clothes all are fitted. She also informed me that I made nothing but negative comments about my body (because I desired to dress modestly???) and that all I really needed were the proper undergarments.

I explained that my policy is always to wait 48 hours before making large purchases, she again tried to tell me that if I wore the dress twice, the cost was cut in half. Huh? No wonder the world economy is in trouble. Newton's 3rd law of physics was rapidly becoming reality. The harder she pushed, the more I rebelled. After being insulted, told I had a bad body image, that I was actually saving money by buying clothes (that had no price tags!) and that I was lucky to have her guide my decision I had quite enough.

By then, I had already decided I would wear my black velvet before I ever graced their doorstep again. Sheesh! Do wealthy women like to be treated like they are stupid? Did this woman have a clue that you simply do not make fun of a woman's preference for modesty?

The next store and sales woman were much kinder. I did try on a wonderful pair of high heel peep toe shoes I'd like to own. But, when I saw their price tags, adding up the outfit we came up with, the cost was well over what we were spending for Elizabeth's wedding ensemble. Not my idea of fiscal responsibility. I am a stay-at-home mother and I simply can't justify spending money for clothes I could sew myself for substantially less money, and of much higher quality.

Good news is that Sunday I jumped on the internet, found a suitable, though maybe not "perfect" dress at the JCPenney outlet store. Gosh, if I do my math right that means I "made $1000". lol. My economic good sense prevails. Unless I find the "perfect" dress in the week before the wedding I'll be in Houston, I'll be wearing my $35 bargain dress, and thoroughly enjoying the party.

And for the Susan J company here in London ... I will never darken your doorstep again, and definitely never recommend your store to my friends. They deserve more than to be browbeat, and told they have no style. Beauty comes from within, not from spending money you don't need to spend.

At What Point?

Recent family events and dynamics have caused me to ponder quite deeply, and pray as fervently, for answers to the question of “At what point do you let them go?” We’ve been parents for close to 24 years now, and our oldest daughter is within six weeks of her wedding. The tension, to say the least, has been intense.

A new acquaintance, unrelated to our current circumstances, posed this question to her parents. “Did you ever feel the need to counsel us before we married?” Her question was valid. Her parents felt it was not their position to counsel, and it was good for their children to make their own mistakes. Huh? Until a recent conversation with my own father, I thought they were out in left field. Apparently, at least for that generation of parents, this is a common belief. Because he was hurt by the decisions of some of my sisters, he now feels quite strongly that we do not provide counsel, and must let them make their own mistakes. I can’t say that I quite agree. So far my life has been spent helping our children learn about what the dangers are and how to avoid them.

Our choice to use family centered home education stemmed not just from a desire to provide a healthy alternative to the current system of releasing our children into a system bent on molding them into a factory model, but also from a deep desire to share in their development. We both wanted to allow them to mature at their own pace, with their own interests, to broaden their worlds beyond the politics at the local PTA meeting, or the sidelines of the t-ball game.

My own efforts to provide counsel to our children have sometimes proven to be sad occasions for confrontation. In part, I do believe this is society at its schizophrenic best, telling parents to be parents, all the while urging children to ignore them. We are told to stay within arm’s reach for toddlers in the water, but then to be the bank financing a wild evening out for prom night. My mind often flips back to a Star Trek episode of a society that was required to push their young adults into the streets at night for an evening of “Festival” because this is what society insists on. We resist.

There is such a cacophony of voices competing for our adult children. They want to experience the world and life, we want to help them be wise. My father counseled me to allow them to make their own mistakes. Well, I certainly made many of my own, but knowing how much potential harm I managed to avoid by sheer dumb luck, my heart tells me to still provide counsel.

Though my counsel has been taken in with ears that didn’t hear what I said, I still need to be that mentor. The heart does strange things to conversations between mothers and daughters. We speak, as mothers, our daughters ignore as young wild things wanting to be free. As mothers we see the dangers, while our daughters see only freedom. They see the honey, we see the bees.

So, once again I am asking, as what point do we let go? Or can we ever really let go? What we desire is success in attaining heaven for all our children. At least, this is what I want. The world, instead, wants our children to leave the nest, say good riddance, and then slam into the wall. When they do, rest assured the world will be there pointing fingers back at the mothers and fathers who it will claim didn’t care enough for their young ones to guard and protect them.

We have seldom listened to the world in areas conventional and taken its wisdom as wise. So, here, too, I must insist that our job as mothers (and fathers) does not magically end when our children become adults. However, I do understand there is a time when stepping aside will come. My only question is, when? I suspect it will continue to be a balancing act of respecting our emerging adult children, and spending plenty of time on my knees in prayer.

So, my dear children, if I foresee danger, rest assured I will speak. But, also know that while you live your life as God intends, I will refrain from trying to right my own wrongs by being heavy handed in my approach. May God remain in your thoughts, and may your guardian angels remain vigilant!

Thoughts on this Trinity Sunday

I only have a few moments, as we are about to visit Rona (think Canadian version of Home Depot) and our new favorite meat market Pasquales.   If we planned correctly our weekly grocery shopping won't need to happen until tomorrow evening.  Doing any shopping on a weekend is only for the brave and foolhardy, imho.  

Yesterday we all decided to treat ourselves to a movie.  The new Disney, "UP" is right up on our favorite movie list.  One of the London theaters was recently rejuvenated, and we watched this movie using silly 3-D glasses.  It was a lot of fun!  

My faith in the Disney corporation moving back toward Walt's original desire to uplift families is coming back for me.  This movie was so sweet!  If you want your own uplifting experience, go watch this as a family.  Keep in mind that our youngest is practically 13 - very little children really might find it a bit intense.  

Well, I hear Tom's footsteps, and now his voice.  Time to go.  More later.

Strangers, Speakers and Spectacles

Howdy!  We are back from a whirlwind visit to Houston to help celebrate our first daughter's graduation from the University of St. Thomas.  Fortunately, we weren't "treated" to any diatribes similar to BO's at Notre Dame!  The commencement speaker was a bit on the pc side with regard to his ideas, but not over the top.

Some comments I've heard recently (both here in London, and along our travels) that I'd like to share.  If for no other reason, than I'd like to be able to look back at them later on.

At the airport, "Attention.  Please do not accept parcels from strangers who you do not know well."

That one caused me to pause, and raise an eyebrow.  Isn't the definition of "stranger" someone you don't know at all?  How can a person be a stranger if you know them "well?"  For that matter who in their right mind would accept a parcel from someone at an airport knowing how much most in charge are actually eagerly looking forward to exercising their "right to protect us?"  Just too funny,in a sad sorta way.

Friday evening we attended the UST Baccalaureate Mass at the new Co-Cathedral.  Daniel Cardinal DiNardo presided and gave a (as usual) stirring homily.   He began by first congratulating those who were graduating with honors.  Then, "And some of you are graduating by the skin of your teeth.  Congratulations!"  Too right, Cardinal.  I was one of those "by the skin of my teeth."  The entire Mass was beautifully planned, and executed.  The music was incredible!  With a definitely sacred sense of humor the recessional hymn was "The Strife is Over."

The post-Baccalaureate Mass reception at UST was outside on campus, and pleasant.  A nice jazz band playing in the background, and plenty of tables with food and visiting.  The area we sat in though, was handicapped in the illumination department.  A few items my brain interpreted differently than my mouth caused some interesting contrasts!  We found out that in earlier years they actually provided a sit down meal.  Must be cost cutting measures that help explain the rise in tuition next fall!  Perhaps the next graduation we'll be invited to brown bag it.

I take back all I said about Texans not being rude.  Or perhaps, those who were, aren't from Texas but only visiting like we were.   But for those two ladies at the dessert/coffee table all I can say is you would have done well at the Bioferia in Peru on Saturday mornings among the maids!

The usher at Reliant Arena in our seating section was so patient.  She would repeatedly need to tell folks they couldn't stand in the aisles to take pictures, but could stand by the wall.  One particular couple thought all they had to do was nod, smile, stand where she directed for a few moments, then try again.  This went on, comically, for about 10 tries.  It got so bad that one of the other people seated in our section started to shout for them to sit down!  But, incredibly, they just never "got it!"  How oblivious can someone be?  How so self-absorbed can anyone be not to realize that while they were getting what they wanted, they were blocking the view of several other people who had as much right to see unobstructed as they?

The clincher at Graduation, though was a woman receiving the Alumni award.   She wasn't slated for any speaking time, though the presenter definitely was ... and definitely spent more time reminiscing about her own years at UST before finally drawing out a largely unnecessary speech about how wonderful her two recipients were. (I didn't time it, but I bet her speech was close to the commencement speaker's in length.)

Then the woman who received the award on behalf of herself, and her brother, proceeded to march right up to the podium, and introduced herself by stating that she knew they hadn't come to listen to her, but she just had to say thank you.  And "I won't keep you long, I know how much speaking has already been done ..." and proceeded to talk for another 5 minutes!!!  In addition she managed to put in a publicity plug for donations.  Incredibly insensitive for someone who had just moments before been extolled on her humility and sense of service to others!  Lady, this wasn't your day ...  At least future years won't need to be subjected to her "not speaking" but then speaking for a long time!!

Don't get me wrong.  It was a very good visit.  I am just struck by a person, every now and then, who doesn't seem to be either aware of others, or completely insensitive to those around them.

One last beautiful sentiment to share!  The week before we left Mary and I attended the first meeting of what we hope becomes a Catholic Girls' Club.  Whether it actually becomes a reality or not, we were definitely blessed to have visiting two novices, and one sister who will be taking her permanent vows next year.  They are beautiful women, so soft spoken, so gentle, so kind - genuinely kind.  The order is new: "Sisters of Our Lady Immaculate."  They have a website, too:

http://www.solisters.ca

One of the novices, during her "journey to vocation" talk said the most intriguing thing with regard to Our Lady.  She shared that while her family was Catholic, they weren't seriously so.  Her knowledge of Mary was not well formed, and she struggled with the true place of Mary in the life of Jesus.  Then this beautiful gem of wisdom came from her, "I realized that Our Lady is like a perfect pair of seeing glasses.  She doesn't place a barrier between me and Our Lord, she focused me, and helps me to see Him as He is.  Clear and without distortion."

Have a beautiful day!  

Just Doing Our Best!

Tom and I are doing our best to raise great kids. Part of that task is discerning what they eat. I shudder to think back on the variety of "new foods" I ate while growing up. I turned out okay. But, back then all we were dealing with was foods that were mishmashed into new forms. The threat today extends down to the genetic background. We make our own choices, and this is where I am a huge advocate that foods need to be honestly labeled. If someone has deemed that I "need" to eat corn that has been genetically modified to resist pests, I want to know. I have no need for a "nanny" to tell us to just "trust us!"

Good Friday

It all started with the peaceful close to our Good Friday.  We had been busy with house cleaning, sorting, and other quiet activities.  By 2:40 we were on our way for services.  Wow!  Plenty of folks were already at the church.  Tom dropped us off, and went on to find a parking spot.  After services we walked 4 blocks to where he parked the car.  During services we were in the overflow area, watching via television the services taking place just above our head in the main sanctuary.  

Beautiful, prayerful, deeply moving service.  I was moved to tears by the day's observance of the crucifixion of Jesus.

So, we return home.  Here in Ontario, by law businesses are to be closed.  Sometimes I just wonder about the laws.  While I totally agree not to shop myself on sacred days, I find it such a puzzler in this socialist society that Good Friday is given the same mandate as "Family Day" back in February.  Not complaining, just puzzled.

Once we returned home it was time to fix our meal to break the fast.  If I remember, I'll post the delicious salmon patties we created.  It was an inexpensive meal, but tasted as if it was much more costly.  Of course, our fasting might have contributed to our perception!  

Afterward, after going over travel plans for May and July (graduation and wedding) I proposed that we all take a drive out to enjoy the remainder of Good Friday.  Tom one upped me and proposed that, instead, we use our "new to us" bicycles and take Mary and Peter on a ride around the neighborhood.

Now, these bicycles are something Tom has wanted for quite some time.  We found a gentleman here who refurbishes bikes, and after looking at them bought two for $90.  Of course, I didn't give mine the test drive it probably needed, since I have never had much of an athletic bone in my body.  Tom, on the other hand went through three before finding one he liked.   I am one of those that should never buy a car on her own!  When the man we bought them from suggested I just keep the left shifter in one position, because I really didn't need the other gears, I actually thanked him!  Well, duh, the shifter didn't work, and I spent the first half of our ride trying to get it into a gear I could actually use!

It was so nice to be riding our bikes.  The weather is still a bit nippy, but nice for getting out into the fresh air.  Perhaps because of the holiday, most folks were either gone, or staying at home, so traffic was not heavy.  Mary and I fell a bit behind because Tom and Peter were in a quiet competition to see who could outrace the other one.  As we came around one corner we saw that they were beyond a road barrier, on new streets for a new portion of the subdivision.  Mary asked about how we got around it, and I thought that if they were that far they must have just ridden their bikes around.

As Mary came up, she commented that she thought it would be better to walk our bikes around it.  Foolish me!  I said, no, we could just steer around it like the guys did.  (Found out later that they had walked theirs, too!  I wonder who is guilty of competition?)  

As I began to steer past the barrier my depth perception, and confidence suffered.  Mary, wisely waiting to see me make it watched a piece of construction debris kick up under one of my wheels. I veered, and the bike lurched from under.  I fell pretty hard.  I think the third worse moment was right before I fell, knowing how hard it would hurt.  

And hurt it did.  My right knee, head and hands took the brunt of the fall.  If I had just fallen on plain dirt, it would have hurt.  But because I fell onto a jumble of broken concrete paving, rocks, etc. I had plenty of contact with surfaces far harder than my head!    

The pain was intense, to the point I thought I might just pass out.  When I looked up and saw Mary's fear, though, my mind rallied.  It took a bit to get past the deep, deep shock and pain of my knee and head.  Slowly, I was able to stand.  Mary wheeled my bike out, and we decided to just leave the guys and ride home.

On the way back, I felt shocky.  Nausea and pain made me keep breathing as deep as I could.  By then my knee was numb, but other parts of my body began to call in their distress.  After almost being backed over by a teen driver darting out of his driveway, and avoiding another car insistent that he owned the road we got back home.

Tom and Peter of course, by then, realized what had happened.  They all pampered me!  My right knee was skinned up, though my jeans were untorn.  At least no imbedded rocks.  Can't quite say that about my hands!  I even had rocks falling from my hair as I was getting ready to take a nice, hot soak in the tub that Tom had drawn for me.

So, lesson learned!  I'll get back on board.  Praise be to God!  I offer my discomfort, aches and pains.  I also thank God for this family that took care of the Mom!  

I hope your Easter is the season of hope it is for your own family and life.

Slippery Monday of Holy Week

Last night was my last meeting with a beautiful group of women.   I've come to know each of them just a bit, and have received a deep reconviction to return to and deepen my prayer life.  The study we used was "Women of Grace" by Johnnette Benkovic.  http://www.lhla.org/

When I first mentioned beginning this study to a friend in Houston, all she shared was that it was quite challenging.   I puzzled in my mind exactly what she meant.  Now I know.  If you aren't afraid, and you need not be, check out this wonderfully affirming and challenging study.

Our Holy Week begins with more icy rain and snow.   While growing up in rural Nevada, and living there again with our children it was never unusual to have a snowy Easter.  In fact, for the longest time I really believed my Dad that the reason we color Easter eggs was so we could find them in the snow.  Of course, we did get to experience plenty of glorious springtime weather for many Easters!

Last night I drove through light rain mixed with snow to my meeting.  When I came out of the church to return home, I almost lost my footing!  The parking lot was covered with a slick icy coating.  It reminded me of the ominous black ice that could be present on Nevada roads in wintertime.  Looked dry, but definitely was trecherous!

After I slid to the side of my car, it was covered with ice!  Fortunately, my trusty scraper was still in the pocket of my driver's door.  Unfortunately, I had neglected to keep my gloves, thinking foolishly that spring meant no more scraping.   My hands really were none the worse for having to clear the windows.  When I got home, it was nice to remember that today our activities were confined to inside the house for most of Tuesday and Wednesday.

I hope Easter springs up bright, warmer and beautiful.  Whether the weather cooperates or not, I do know that Easter will arrive.  Now to concentrate on making the most of our Holy Week!  The Triduum has grown to be one of our favorite times to celebrate being Christian, especially Catholic.  Holy Thursday Mass, opening with the presentation of the sacred oils, joyfilled songs, and closing with the solemn reposition of the Blessed Sacrament.  Waiting, adoring silently, and then leaving for home in silent reflection.  Good Friday -- having the solemn service, venerating the cross, praying for so many, trusting that the Passion will always lead us to the Resurrection.  Holy Saturday, preparing our Easter treats, having food blessed.  Then dressing for Easter vigil.  Wearing our new clothes, waiting in the dark for the Easter fire to be lit!  A glorious sweep of light -- hearing the readings leading us through salvation history -- the light!  Watching, praying for and celebrating with catecumens anxiously awaiting their baptisms, first Eucharists, and  Confirmation!  

We watched one year as a young woman, who was also one of our engaged couples, danced with hard to suppress joy through each part of "her" Easter vigil.  Her exhuberance will be firmly planted in our family's memories!

Easter morning, still setting up the Easter egg hunt, always one egg missing (we learned to count them early on), helping with overflow crowds at Mass, praying silently that each heart is touched and that they know how welcome they are all the time!  Returning home for our family tradition of sweet almond bread and coffee.  Preparing our Easter meal, enjoying not just our chocolate bunnies, but each other's company.  

Celebrating and embracing each day of the Easter season with some small treat, some small rememberance, sacred music, candle-lit dinners!

Well, you can see that I'm definitely looking forward to Easter this year.   Our family hopes that each one of you can and will embrace the remainder of Lent, seek out Triduum rites, and continue to seek our Risen Lord!