In many ways I get caught up in what perhaps is best called secular gnosticism. I enjoy having the satisfaction that I know the inside scoop, live it, and hence am protected. This can be with good things, like choosing to exclusively nurse our children as infants, all the way to actively not using the cfl bulbs. Over time, though, I have also come to realize that it doesn't matter whether I do the "right thing", make the "wise choice" if I haven't become a more humble person.
Pride is my deadly sin. It sneaks up on me, sideswiping me before I realize it has reared up. This Lent I am seeking a humble spirit. Oh, but when those opportunities come how they can sting my sensitive ego.
If you've followed my posts, you know that I was part of creating a beautiful quilted banner for our parish's Advent decorations for the sanctuary. It was nice to hear positive feedback anonymously. Last night, I visited with a group of women from my parish to present information about ENDOW ( http://www.endowonline.com - if you are interested). One of the women said, "Oh, you were one of the women who made our Advent banner." Truth. My ego was really wanting to proclaim how much of a role I actually did play, but I refrained. It jarred me deeply, when I realized I really wasn't content being anonymous. My pride wants to shout out how much "I" contributed, how much work "I" did for the project.
This is good to happen during Lent. A humble spirit is not a natural part of who I am. I was raised to be proud of my accomplishments. I was raised to compete. I was raised to seek recognition. Those are the old ways. Learning new ways, a humble spirit that is rooted in true anonymity, a true spirit of service comes in fits and starts. Last night jarred me out of my assumed humbleness and laid bare my own struggles.
Look for the next quilted creation.. and yes, I design them. But, in all practicality, it isn't simply my work. Without the help from several other women and our quilter (a man) it wouldn't become reality. When it is finished, I'll share. In the meantime, your prayers that I really can learn and become humble would be appreciated.